The Battle Inside Me

Taken this week. After I reached the 55 pound mark!


I cannot remember a time when I was not self conscious in some way. I think it was born in me to have image issues. I grew up in a family where trying to lose those pesky extra pounds was the norm. Almost all of the women in my family have the same body issues and have taken great strides to overcome them. Some women smoked or drank or did both, went on crazy weight loss plans losing massive amounts of weight, Some gained it all back and more, Some have had plastic surgery, Most have taken prescription medication for everything under the sun, starved themselves, been anorexic or bulimic, been workout fanatics, and have overall been obsessed with vanity in some fashion. Don't we do some crazy things out of vanity? Really when I look at the big picture, I don't know any women that are happy with EVERY part of their body. There is always something that they would change. I consider myself to be at the normal end of the scale, unhappy with the image I see in the mirror, but often feeling defeated when it comes to changing that image.

I have Thyroid Disease, which helps me gain weight and makes it twice as hard to lose. I was diagnosed with this disease about 9 years ago. Since then I have struggled and struggled to change the image in the mirror. Often feeling like garbage because I just could never stick with it long enough to see the results I craved. Nothing had ever motivated me like finding out that I was going to be a mom. After becoming pregnant with my son Jackson, I was worried that my disease could affect him in a negative way, Women with Thyroid Disease have a higher risk of being diabetic or having hyper tension. I decided to live a healthier lifestyle. I reasoned with myself that it was for his benefit and best health interest. I kept my weight down and was very active during my pregnancy. Always pushing myself to give him the greatest chance I could while he has housed in my belly. I only gained 3 pounds while pregnant and my doctor was very impressed with my efforts to keep Jackson and I healthy. When Jackson was born he was perfect. I breastfed him until he was 4 months old. While I breastfed him I continued to eat healthy so that he would get the best nutrition he could. Helping me to lose weight.

At that point I was hooked. Not necessarily to lose weight, but to be healthy. I slowly started making better choices for myself. Eating more vegetables, Going for longer walks, Not drinking soda, Only drinking water. Little by little I saw changes in my appearance. I liked what I saw. So I would do a bit more. I ate smaller portions and made sure to eat healthier snacks. Every month I added something else to my list of lifestyle changes. Eleven months has gone by since I gave birth to Jackson, I have lost a total of 55 pounds since then.

People have started to notice my weight loss and have asked me how I have done it. I am always very honest. And I am almost saddened by the look of disappointment on their faces when they realize that there was no miracle pill involved and that slow and steady really does win the race. I've been there. It took me almost a year to lose, It has come off slowly, and I have not been a fanatic about it. I am so happy with my progress and am not in a rush this time around. I'd love to lose about 25 more pounds. Being healthy is what is important to me. Teaching my son to start out living a healthy lifestyle. He has inspired me to be a better person, a better mother to him, and a better wife to his Dad. I just want to make sure I'm around long enough to enjoy his life.

I wanted to post this blog because I know so many people out there that battle with the same issues. I know how hard it is. I have shared the same outlook for so long. It is a battle that can be won. You just have to have the right reason to want to win it.