The Birthday Monster

I'm going to come right out and say it. I'm going to be honest. I am a Birthday Monster! Yesterday was my birthday. My birthday is the biggest day of the year for me. At least in my head it is. It's the only day that is all about me. I don't have to share it with anyone else. For the rest of the 364 days out of the year, I am a very giving and generous person. But as soon as March 4th rolls around, I am ready to be selfish and spoiled. I hate this about myself. Why can't I just be relaxed and go with the flow. Enjoy things as they happen and be thankful for what I have. I am the rest of the time. Why can't I be like that on my birthday??

Birthday's are big to me. My Mom always made us feel special on our day. Going out of her way to do those extra little things to say she cared. And it rubbed off on me, my birthday isn't just special to me, everyone else's birthday is special to me too. When it was my brother's birthday, I would decorate his entire room to the point of insanity. With streamers and ribbon and signs that said Happy Birthday. One year I filled his room with so many balloons that he could barley get the door open and walk in. He loved the extra effort I put in to make him feel special, and I set out to do it for those important people in my life. When I was little I would spend my birthday money to buy my Mama a gift, her birthday was 3 days after mine. I threw Brandon a surprise party when he turned 30 and had a GI Joe cake custom designed for him. With the help of his awesome brother of course, we pulled off the perfect surprise. And the first year we were married I invited his folks up to go to dinner with us and made him a "pirate party". For some reason I just love birthdays.

I'm not sure why, but I always get really cranky on my birthday. Like instead of a party, I need a nap. You know when little kids get to have their birthday party they get all hopped up on cake and ice cream, don't want to share any of their new toys with the kids at their party and throw a temper tantrum, and end up passed out on the floor surrounded by wrapping paper?? It's more common than you think. That's how I feel in my head on my birthday. Like I'm 5 years old or something. I try and calm myself down a few days before the big day and tell myself that it's no big deal. But it never fails, when the day actually gets here, I'm wound up like a cork ready to blow at any second. Nothing ever seems good enough. And I hate that I'm like that. You don't have to tell me how selfish it is. I'm well aware. And I'm making a conscious effort to change.

Brandon has taken over the roll my Mama once played, and every year declares it birthday week for me. He does little things all week, and gets me gifts and flowers, and takes me to dinner. So far it's worked to tame the monster inside me. I feel loved all week and by the time the week is over I'm ready to be unselfish again. He's such a good husband. How the heck did I catch him?

However...this year, he was out to sea. I am very sick. I'm not sure how I even got sick, but I am. I'm coughing and have a sore throat and a foggy head. I'm living off nyquil, and taking care of Jackson by myself. It didn't even feel like my birthday yesterday. My girlfriends took me to dinner on base. It was pretty good. I got a steak. But it just wasn't the same. I miss my hubby. He's so good at doing the birthday routine. Lucky for me he will be home very shortly. And he has decided that when he gets home we will have birthday week. Apparently he's gotten me a few luxurious gifts from some of the exciting ports he's been in. We're just going to pretend that it's not my birthday yet. I'm oh so excited about it!! Can you imagine, I get to have him home AND have my birthday?! How will I ever contain myself.