The Whole Story

In labor. Playing Phase 10 and drinking Starbuck's
Whoa Nelly!! Look at that belly!! About an hour before Jackson came out.
Standing outside the operating room. About to become parents.
Jackson's first picture.
Jackson Ryan Pauley. Looks just like his Daddy.


Jackson has been born. He is almost 6 days old as I'm writing this. We stayed in the hospital for quite awhile and just came home today. So I apologize for the delay of blogging.

His birth was nothing like I thought it would be. It was the most traumatic and amazing thing I have ever experienced. After 28 hours of labor my doctor decided that Jackson's big noggin just wasn't going to fit down the pike. So we opted for a c-section. I made my doctor promise to fix the scar from my surgery last summer. It was hideous and I wanted it to be cleaned up a bit. Jackson was going to come out of the same scar, so it wouldn't be a problem. I was to be given an epidural, but when they gave it to me only part of me went numb. I could wiggle my toes, but my legs were dead asleep, and my whole belly still had feeling. Me and needles just don't get along. I was given 3 different epidurals, although they tried about 7 times, and none of them worked. They finally put me to sleep. I knew that in doing so, I would not get to see my son for at least an hour after he was born. I was really heartbroken at the time. Tears streaming down my face as I layed on the table. I felt very alone. Brandon was not allowed into the operating room. It seemed rushed after the epidural didn't work. There were doctor's and nurses everywhere. Running here and there getting things ready. An oxygen mask was put over my face and covered my eyes so that I couldn't see. But because I was crying, I couldn't get a deep breath. My arms and legs were tied down to the table. I felt like I was suffocating. I kept shaking my head and yelling for them to take off the mask because I couldn't breathe. I was positive that I would go to sleep and not wake up, never getting to see my son. But they assured me that I would be fine and began injecting anesthetic into my IV. I remember feeling terrified at that moment. I fell asleep fast. And just like that it was over. I remember nothing about his birth. My doctor said "Pauley-San, you have a son". And I was awake. Awake without pain medication.

They wheeled me in my hospital bed down the hall and into the elevator. My room was on the next floor up. The entire time I was not on pain meds. The ride was bumpy. And I was angry, in pain and half awake. My throat hurt from having a tube down it during surgery, my voice was hoarse. I was yelling obscenities at the nurses. Cursing like a sailor and telling them that they better turn up the drugs. I guess I'm not very nice when I'm in pain and half out of it. They finally made it to my room. Where Brandon had been holding Jackson for the first 2 hours of his life. He was 2 hours old before I got to see him. I kept asking Brandon about how much he weighed and how long he was, because I really had no idea, I was asleep the whole time. The nurses would not allow me to sit up, I was required to lay flat on my back for 24 hours. Brandon layed Jackson next to me on the bed so that I could turn my head and see him for the first time. He was the most beautifully perfect thing I'd ever seen. About 5 seconds later I turned my head to the other side of the bed and threw up. Love that General Anesthetic. It makes me swell like a balloon and gives me a wicked case of nausea. It was not the picture of Miss Maternity USA that I had dreamed of. But it is our story.

I truly didn't enjoy motherhood until the next morning. When I was allowed to sit up in bed and hold Jackson for the first time. It was wonderful. He is so beautiful. Perfect in every way. I was in love from that moment on. The rest of the hospital stay was not so wonderful. But we did the time and were finally released. I grew very tired of Japanese food and nurses handling my breasts. I'm sure I will blog more on that at a later date. Right now I am just enjoying being at home with Brandon and Jackson. Jackson is doing great. Gaining weight and starting to be more awake. He is a really easy baby to take care of. I am feeling good. Besides the lack of sleep. I was off pain meds 2 days after surgery and up walking and back to normal activities shortly after that. Brandon is so natural with Jackson, you'd think he'd been doing it for years. The way he handles him and talks to him. I love watching him care for our son. You should check out his blog too. I'm pretty tired today and looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. I will blog more later. Thanks to everyone who has kept us in their thoughts and prayers. It is greatly appreciated.