Navy Wife Extraordinaire

After being alone for awhile now, I have changed my perspective. The traditional Navy wife will go at least a week after her husband leaves to shave her legs and will eat countless calories worth of ice cream. She will cry everynight when she goes to sleep, wishing the impossible, that her husband was laying beside her. After sitting around for a few days in my pajamas watching chick flicks and eating chocolate pudding cups. And calling my mom 3 times a day just to ask her what she was doing. I decided I was done. Done with this life and ready to move on. I catapulted myself into a different way of thinking when I woke up today.

I have been away from Brandon several times before. And I do just fine taking care of myself. I become independent. I fix things when they break, take out the trash, and pay the bills. But have never been alone in a foriegn country while he was gone. Alone without the support of my friends and family to fall back on. I truly am alone now.

It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Under the Tuscan Sun. The main character Francis goes through a painful divorce and moves to Italy. She spends her last dime on an old cottage in Tuscany and hires a group of men to refinish it. After becoming tired of being by herself, she realizes that only she can make herself happy. She has to get out. Get out of the house and make her own life. Go explore herself and her surroundings. And that's just what she does. The end is great. I wont ruin it for you. But today I realized that I was living the same life. Sad to be alone when there are so many wonderful things to be discovered.

Being a military wife is almost like being single for 6 months out of the year. You're still very married. And very faithful to your husband. But you spend a majority of your time alone, without hearing from him for days or even weeks. You have to teach yourself how to have your own life. Have your own dreams and goals outside of marriage. Otherwise you spend half of your life waiting to experience all of those things with someone who is rarely there. What a waste. Life is to short. I will enjoy the time I get with him, and enjoy the rest of the time without him. I have to make myself happy, even if it means doing it alone, I can't expect him to do it for me. This does not mean that I don't miss him so much it hurts. It just means that I want more out of life than this, and I am the only one that can make it happen.

This morning I got up and shaved my legs. I painted my toes hot pink. And I made myself an appointment to get my haircut tomorrow. Self care is important to me. I'm not letting myself go just because there is no one here to appreciate it. I got dressed and headed out to start my new life. My new life as Miss Independent. I live in Japan for crying out loud I thought to myself. I gotta get outta here and go have an adventure. Gone are the days of chocolate pudding and chick flicks. It's a gorgeous sunny day. I got in my car with my sunglasses on and drove. I didn't care where I went, I just went until I wanted to stop. The song "Life is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane was playing. I turned it up and put it on repeat, singing my heart out at the top of my lungs. It was my days soundtrack. I had lunch with my friend, mailed some packages, went shopping, and went for a very long drive. I stopped at little shops that I always wanted to go in along the way. I bought a few things for Jackson. I downloaded activites to do in Japan and made a list of things I liked and marked them on the calendar. I refuse to sit by and watch my life pass before my eyes wishing I would have done something different. I am a Navy Wife Extraordinaire after all. Welcome to my new life.