My Love/Hate Relationship with Pregnancy

I am now well into the third trimester of my first pregnancy. It seems that I have learned an awful lot about the subject of making, housing, and caring for babies. These are things that I had no idea about until I in fact became pregnant. I knew little things of course, such as morning sickness and the big round belly. But there is so much more to it than that. I had dreamed of the day when I would become a mother, but put very little thought into the process of what it took to actually be a mother. Complicated and simple all rolled into one. Pregnancy has been one of the most fulfilling, amazing, life altering, and down right frustrating times of my life. I have enjoyed all of it and hated some of it. Telling myself regularly that the end result is so worth it, otherwise my grandmothers wouldn't have had so many children. I have come to the conclusion that a woman must look at her child for the first time and forget everything that she just went through. And this is in fact the same reason that she will go through this experience more than once, maybe even several times. I am counting down the days until I am faced with this same magical moment. There are 84 days left by the way. Meanwhile I have compiled a list of things that Brandon and I love and hate about pregnancy.

Things that we love include:

-Seeing him for the first time. Ultrasound is amazing! We have pictures from the beginning, 5 weeks along all the way to 24 weeks.
-Hearing his heartbeat. I still love to listen to it, even though I've heard it several times now.
-Hearing the words: It's a boy. We can't wait for our little Jackson. I cried when they told us.
-Feeling him move, kick, roll, punch, and stretch. He is big enough now that my entire belly moves when he does. I love to watch it.
-Listening to Brandon talk to him. Something about it that I love.
-He kicks a lot whenever he hears Brandon's voice.
-Knowing that he can already respond to things like music, our voices, and noises amazes me.
-Reading him his bedtime story.
-He loves Elvis.
-He's on a great sleep schedule. I can only pray that it stays that way.
-Getting his room ready. Watching Brandon put his crib together. Folding all of his tiny clothes and putting them in his dresser. All we need is him to come home now.
-Reading the countless books on pregnancy, childbirth, and raising children have given me something to do while I wait.
-Having a maternity swimsuit. I love going to the pool. Floating weightless in the water makes me oh so happy.

Things that we don't love so much:

-Swollen feet and ankles have now become one. We call them cankles. Brandon hates rubbing my feet. He sighs loudly whenever I even mention that they are sore. He does it because he loves me, but never fails to mention that he has already done his job in this whole process.
-Pressure. Everywhere. It doesn't go away. There is a baby in there pushing on everything. Brandon hates that this has now become dinner conversation.
-The few days of morning sickness I had were not my favorite. I just kept thanking God that I was not one of those women who were sick their entire pregnancy.
-The fact that I can smell better than a bloodhound. I count this as a bad thing because I mostly smell things that aren't pleasant. The fish market, Brandon's socks, the trash can outside in the hot summer sun.
-I can't move like I once could. Getting out of bed in the morning is now my daily challenge. Getting up from the floor after my stretches are even more impossible.
-Sleeping in general is more difficult. If I'm not getting up 15 times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I'm trying to stay comfortable. Rolling over with my body pillow is much like seeing someone wrestle an alligator. I have given up on sheets or blankets all together, it's just to hot!
-Walking has now become waddling. I used to be able to keep up with Brandon even in my 5th month. Now he has to slow his pace to keep from leaving me in the dust. I can feel him rolling his eyes at me. I just tell him it must be the watermelon duck taped to my stomach.
-Staying active is much harder than it used to be. I get tired and winded easier.
-It's hot and very humid in Japan. Everyday. When I get hot it's bad news. I get crabby and irritable at everything. Brandon try's so hard to keep me satisfied. Poor guy. But I truly am miserable when I'm to hot. Sweat pours out of me. There is no point in fixing my hair or putting on makeup just to step outside and have it all removed in one down pouring of sweat from my brow. I do however fix myself up everyday, just because I feel lazy if I don't. But it's no use.
-Skinny People. Before I was pregnant I was no skinny mini. But now that I have an even bigger bulge growing off the front of me, skinny people are just irritating to me. Even more irritating is when a skinny person tells me that I look bigger since the last time that they saw me. I just smile and say Thanks! People wonder why pregnant women are crabby. It's comments like this that make you just want to punch someone in the face. Brandon loves to hear about it in the car later. I'm sure it just makes his evening even better. Note my sarcasm.
-Peeing. I make trips to the potty every 10 minutes. Day and night. Going on an outing must be planned around toilets in the area. And you can bet that Brandon just loves this as he can go to the bathroom before we leave the house and not have to go for hours, he just can't understand why I have to go Again.
-Having to choose between a piece of chocolate cake and carrot sticks at a potluck. Knowing that there will be limited amount of room in your stomach and chocolate cake has no nutritional value to a baby. Dang it! Pass the carrots.
-Dreams. Brandon is convinced that I take narcotics at night before bed. Every night there is something new I dream about, crazier than the night before. I dream about flying planes with a bomber jacket and goggles, Being on Saturday Night Live in a prom dress with my giant round belly, Going into labor at my best friends wedding (she is not even engaged by the way), Forgetting Jackson in the cart at the grocery store, Having Thanksgiving dinner in October, And giant bugs on my pillow at night. I awake in the middle of the night thrashing about and mumbling. Brandon does not find this humorous when he is asleep.
-I am clumsy. I was accident prone before I was pregnant and am even more so now. Brandon tells me to refrain from hurting myself until he gets home from work. The fact that I will hurt myself in some way throughout the day is inevitable. He just wants to be there when I do it. My waddle combined with my wider gait is a disaster. I am constantly whacking my arm on the doorknob to our room, stubbing my toes, running into things while I carry a laundry basket across the room, and burning myself on the oven. I am a walking bruise.
-My amazement with my constantly moving belly is wasted on Brandon. He enjoyed it the first few times he felt his son's kick. I love to pull up my shirt and make him watch my belly dance about. He has become hostile toward this action, as he wants his son to come out and play. Brandon no doubt thinks that I am holding his new playmate for ransom, trying to thwart his plan.
-The upcoming event of childbirth. Reading about it, taking classes about it, watching videos about it, talking about it. Knowing everything I can about it does not stop me from dreading the horrible pain it will cause me. Brandon also enjoys this as dinner conversation!

Millions of women have had children before me. They have all experienced all of these things. I am no exception. The reason you never hear about any of it is because women can't remember. I'm sure it has a name. Maybe pregnancy amnesia. There are things that I wish I would have known about before hand. But it wouldn't have stopped me from going through it just the same. I can't say that I'm not glad it's almost over. But I know as soon as I see his little face I will experience pregnancy amnesia as every woman before me did. I can't wait!