Creepy Crawlers

Ever since I saw the movie Arachnophobia when I was in 3rd grade, I have been terrified of spiders. Growing up in California where black widows were a common sight in the garage or bathroom corners. I learned to distinguish different characteristics of spiders to determine their potent power. The rest of my childhood was spent in Washington where poisonous spiders were not very common, although there were a few larger varieties. Big or little, poisonous or not, I hated them all. Even after buying and watching Charlotte's Web, I still could not get used to the idea of being a cohabitant with a spider. All of them must die in a very violent death for me to be able to sleep at night. Smashed with a kitchen spatula or shoe, sprayed with hairspray and lit on fire, I don't care. Usually whatever Brandon prefers, because he is always the one that ends up doing my dirty work as I stand over his shoulder shuddering. And even then I will wake up in a horrific dream about them crawling on my pillow. Other bugs haven't ever really bothered me, except for the occasional annoyance I get with a mosquito buzzing around my ear. Until today that is.

Brandon and I decided that we would go into town this evening to get some dinner. It's so hot that I can never leave the house without taking a fresh shower, no matter how many I have already taken during the day. While Brandon was getting ready I decided to hop in the shower to freshen up. There I was enjoying my shower, washing my hair, suds running down my hands and arms. I turned my back to the shower nozzle to rinse the shampoo from my hair. My eyes were squinted as I didn't want to get soap in them as I rinsed. I saw something hanging from the back of the shower curtain. For a split second I thought it was a long string of some sort. I opened my eyes wider to get a second look, soap still covering my head. Then the string moved and so did it's hundreds of large legs all at the same time. It had a brown body and hundreds of orange moving legs with a red head and pincers. HOLY CRAP!!! I began to scream as if I was being stabbed to death. I couldn't move, I was trapped in the shower with this thing. Opening the shower curtain would have meant coming closer than I wanted to be to it. Still screaming, I began to jump up and down and shudder in a spastic freak out. I could hear Brandon running from the other side of the house, he was asking me how big the spider was, I think I could actually hear him rolling his eyes at me, assuming that a spider was the only thing that could get this kind of reaction out of me.

He pulled back the curtain and I bolted for our bedroom and then out to the living room. There I stood naked as a jay bird, wet and covered in soap in front of the very large living room window. Did I care? Nope. I was still shaking and jumping up and down yelling for Brandon to murder it. He couldn't find it. He had no idea what I was yelling about, because all I kept saying was "GET IT, GET THAT CRAWLING THING". "What crawling thing?" he asked. "The giant Centipede on the back of the shower curtain" I screamed, still naked in the living room. When he turned off the water and looked at the curtain, all he said was "Good God". I knew my freak out was justified at that moment. Brandon doesn't get freaked out from anything, He must be superhuman or have nerves of steel or something. Just to know that he thought this thing in my shower was nasty looking made me feel like I wasn't being such a sissy la la. He told me to get something to smash it. I was still jumping up and down on my way to the kitchen, tracking soap and water everywhere I jumped. It was as if I didn't want to touch any surface in the house for fear that Centipedes would come crawling out of nowhere and attack me. If you've ever seen a pregnant woman try to jump, you can imagine it must have been a pretty comical sight. I handed Brandon a spatula with holes in it. Those always hurt to get spanked with when I was a kid, it must cause this thing some sort of pain was my thinking.

Brandon cut it in half and washed it down the drain. I began to yell at him about the two halves staying alive and crawling back out of the drain and killing me in my sleep. He then decided that pouring bleach down the drain could kill anything, and so he did just that. I became convinced that the bleach would only aid in its poisonous revenge. He told me that everything was fine and for Pete's sake to get back in the shower and rinse off. Oh no. I was not getting back in there. I finished my shower in the guest bathroom. Brandon brought me a clean towel, which I made him check for bugs, like a good husband. I made him go back in and check the shower every 5 minutes to see if it had crawled out. It had not.I am however terrified to go back into my bedroom let alone sleep there. I need a bug net with an electrical guard that will zap anything that comes in contact with it. I will be using the other shower from now on. Where did this thing come from? Up the drain pipe? On second thought I will no longer be showering, for fear that the same thing could happen in the other shower. And am now considering moving somewhere else to escape what I'm sure is an infestation of one of the most poisonous centipedes in Japan. The Mukade is what it is referred to in Japan. It is pure evil. And is known to be aggressive and attack people. It will climb walls, hang from ceilings, and drop onto people and bite them. It has even been known to kill small children. Small children!!! I'm having a baby! What if I wake in the middle of the night to find one sitting on Jackson's chest? Yikes! No this cannot do.

I will go immediately to the store in the morning and buy stock in everything that will kill these horrible things in the most violent way possible. Right now Centipedes top the list in comparison with spiders. And I would gladly allow a spider to take up space in my house if it meant that I would never have to see a centipede again. As I have these thoughts they seem completely rational to me, but I know that they must be absolutely crazy. Oh the psychotic mind of a hormonal pregnant woman. At least I will be able to sleep better when I solve what I see to be a huge problem. Until then wish Brandon luck!