Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Farm and Ranch Dream

I mentioned in a previous post my dream of life in the country. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted the life I am living right now. As a very young girl in my Nanny's sitting room, I would perch myself on her apricot colored sofa and thumb through countless articles in Farm and Ranch magazine. I could hear my Poppie's westerns playing in the tv room. My Nanny was often sitting at her sewing machine singing hymns. We would chat about what that kind of life would be like. Riding horses and feeding chickens and growing everything you ate. Even before I could read, gazing at the pictures of a simpler peaceful life became one of my most memorable childhood treasures. Nanny would quote scripture to me, saying God will give you the desires of your heart. And I believed her.

As an adult, when I came home from far away places, to visit with my Nanny, I would sit with her still and we'd read articles together. I would bake her a treat and she would always have a basket of them sitting by the sofa waiting. I kept that dream tucked inside my heart, always hoping for the opportunity to live the life I longed for. But I always ended up landing somewhere else along the way.

When Nanny died, I was sitting next to her, holding her hand. I was devastated. My world was certainly not the same. A huge part of my life was missing, and I was a different person because of her absence. It was like part of my dream had died with her and I was crushed. I couldn't pick up a Farm and Ranch magazine without crying, and so I didn't, for two years. It hurt too much to dream that dream, so I tucked it inside my heart again, only this time I walled it up tight with stone. I became angry and I often felt like "someday" would never come.

But then it happened. We bought our farm. I kept thinking it was too good to be true. So thankful was I that God blessed me with my dream. I walked my property countless times with tears in my eyes, wishing my sweet Nanny could share this with me. I sing one of her favorite hymns as I work outside, the sun shining through trees, I almost feel like she can see me. Her quilt was the first thing I hung in my new home. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and wish she were here to see the life I live and watch her great grand-baby grow.

Recently it was my Birthday. My Poppie sent me a card in the mail to wish me a happy day. He wrote the sweetest sentiments. So special was that card, that I will keep it forever. At the bottom of the card he had written "Your Nanny would be so proud of you" and as a gift he had subscribed in my name to Farm and Ranch magazine. He may never know just how special and heartwarming his gift was. And as I read it for the first time in years, I felt like a blanket of peace was covering me. Finally some healing.

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